September 22, 2011

Hello everyone. This will be the first entry for this blog. I wanted to do this not only as a theraputic thing for my self, but in the hopes that this can create an enviornment of education & support. My story is a long one. I have been battling with skin cancer for the past 19 years. My very first skin cancer was a relatively rare presentation for a skin cancer. It was a spindel cell carcinoma. This type of cancer usually presents as throat cancer. Luckily for me it showed up as a raised angry growth on my left forearm. I acidentally bumped my arm when I was going out a door & ripped the growth off, roots & all. I bled like a stuck pig, but it healed & within 2 weeks it had grown back only it was twice the size. At the time I had a friend that worked for a surgeon and she said I should go and see him. Long story short, the area had to be excised four times before the margins were clean. I was left with a good sized scar, but over the years it has faded. You can still see it but it does not bother me anymore. Since this first cancer,  have had four additional cancers, all Basal Cell Carcinomas, that have been excised. One of the four was a Mohs surgery.

I am now facing another Mohs surgery for a new Basal Cell Cancer. My surgery date is Tuesday, September 27. The scary part is that it is on my nose. I would be lieing if I said that I am calmly accepting this. I am not. The fear of not knowing what you will look like after surgery is great. I just want it to be over with. I can't read enough about the proceedure, the personal experiences and the pictures. It is hard to describe the "mental" part of all of this. Sometimes it is okay. Other times I can't think straight. I am so preoccupied at times that I am making stupid mistakes or forgetting importanat things. Once in a while I just want to cry. It is very nerve wracking.

I know I will be fine. I can make jokes to everyone around me about having my face redecorated, but on the inside I want to scream. This is just the reality of the situation. I know it could be a lot worse. I also know that I am blessed with a great support system of family & friends. That is what anyone in this situation needs.

Thanks for listening to my story so far. I will update as things progress.

Brenda